I was fortunate enough to sit outside and have a cigar today. For once in my day, i was able to not think. I just watched and waited. Spring shall come soon.
Spring shall come soon.
Once again my dreams were plagued by the woman i have been chasing. Not nightmares, not fantasies, just me spending time with her. Two people talking, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company. It’s funny how dreams work. Scientists say that we dream over a thousand dreams a night. But i know for sure that last night I only had one dream: Her.
I woke up several times, expecting her to be next to me. She was not there, and then i remembered that i was “just dreaming”. This would go on to happen a couple more times. I always wish for dreams of me slaying monsters and riding into battle, and great victories with my brothers and sisters in arms, but i am not granted my wish. I am granted visions of something that will never take place. My head tells me that i need to get over it. My heart still clings to a smaller glimmer of hope that isn’t there.
I am an island. (I tell myself) I don’t need a woman to settle down and be happy. (I tell myself) There is no woman out there that I want to be with. (Except for the one I can’t be with) For once, I am happy that this blog doesn’t have a lot of followers. I never really wrote to inform other people, but here i write to clear my mind, and maybe her memory will leave me.
This morning I wake with a sad and broken heart. My dreams seemed so real. This isn’t a plea of a man’s lustful fantasy. I am not talking about sexual needs or wants. I am talking about a man’s simple desire to spend time with the woman he loves. Time spend with the woman who makes me smile and feel something inside this heart that grows cold.
We are born seeking.
We seek to be reborn.
We seek to find what we are.
We are born seeking.
We cannot fully understand.
We live in His grace.
We live in His mercy.
We cannot really begin to fathom.
We search for knowledge.
We learn what we can.
We learn who He is.
We search for Truth and Peace.
When we get bored in the Office
At all times God the Father is the Son and the Spirit.
Cars have parts. God does not.
He was. He is. He will be. Forever and ever Amen.
Waking up is a tough choice. Every morning we are tasked with tasks, and every morning we choose to live up to our potential.
Why wake up? Things will just be hard. Why work hard for no reason. No I should stay in bed.
Wake up. Make the choice to better yourself. Nothing worth having in this life comes easy. You gotta do the work! I should just get out of bed and start living.